That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
