Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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