Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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