so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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