Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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