Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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