There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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