we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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