All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
