We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
