I just gift wrapped bread.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
