i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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