Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
