Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
