You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
