12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
