yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
