My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
