i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
