If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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