Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
