he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
