Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
