I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
