So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
