The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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