I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
