I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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