Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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