Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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