JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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