You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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