I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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