Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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