why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
