A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
