so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
