You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
