you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
