at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
