took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
