please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
