I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
