we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
