Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
