do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
