Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
