here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
operation harelip BJ is a go
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
so much tequila, so little girl.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
