I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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