D3 body, D1 cock
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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