champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
