The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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