Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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