What did we do last night that was yellow?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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