i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
