I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
