Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
